Have you always wanted to be a mother? Have you longed for the sweetness that having a baby can bring to your life? Do you feel somewhat disillusioned by what the reality of parenthood is? Parenthood isn’t superficial. It’s real. And it’s raw. And there is no “village” to help you cope in most cases. It’s easy to become overwhelmed and lose yourself in the process. I effectively lost two years of my life to the concept that I was a mother, and nothing else. And it was terrifyingly easy to do. I had lost the ability to be my authentic self. And if you’re reading this, chances are- you have too.
During the first year of A- Nug’s life, I disappeared. Literally. Looking back at photos, I wasn’t there. Mothers do this for many reasons, but my main reason was my baby weight and the fact that I was miserable! I was miserable, because I was woefully unprepared for the big M- “Motherhood”. All the well meaning people surrounding me gave advice, many times unsolicited, which served to feed my vulnerability. It was a deluge of opinions, which stifled my own. And it didn’t help that A-nug was a “bad” baby. But, you know what? After all of the trials and tribulations, mixed in with utter bliss ( fleetingly)- I decided to silence the naysayers and jettison unnecessary mommy guilt. I decided to take back my life. And you can too!
- Come to grips with the fact that you will feel guilty for spending time away from your children. This is natural. However, realize that your mommy guilt is commonly self-generated. We do this to ourselves because we think people will judge us.
- Understand that people don’t need an excuse to judge you! They will anyway. So, honestly…do what works for you and your family. The only thing that matters is that your kids have a healthy and happy mama. If that means you go to the gym every day for 45 minutes, go girl! Your children will not love you less and people can love you, or get out of the way.
- When you look back at your life, what will matter to you? Close your eyes. No, seriously. Imagine your life when your babies are gone. What will fulfill you? What will keep your healthy relationship with your partner? Now, picture putting those things on the backburner for 18+ years. It’s not sustainable y’all!
- Understand deep in your soul that you are worth spending time on! I cannot say this enough! If you feel selfish, don’t. It is not selfish to ensure your continued quality of life. Be the model for your children. Let them see that their mother is a person, with real interests and passions.
Ultimately, the take-away for you is that mommy guilt will always be in the back of your brain. But, you deserve more than to disappear and become one facet of a life. You were fabulous before your babies came about, and you’re still fabulous!And all that matters in the end is that you lived your life for yourself first, and your children and SO second. For more tips, product reviews and irreverent content on the reality of motherhood, please subscribe and leave a comment!